Dealing with Uncertainty

I’ve just started to fall asleep when panic grips me and jolts me awake. Questions like what am I doing with my life? Am I heading in the right direction? Am I doing enough to be successful? Thoughts and worries start to invade my mind like I’m going to get old without having accomplished anything or created a life for myself.

A cold feeling of dread drains from my head down my body. I try to remind myself that tomorrow is a new day to tackle all these problems and that I just need my sleep right now to be able to do all these things tomorrow. But in the back of my mind, I know that I don’t know how tomorrow will turn out. I don’t know what my future holds. It could be good but it also could be bad or worse, more of the same.

It doesn’t help that right now we are in the midst of a pandemic that is at an all high in terms of infection numbers, the economy is unstable, and we don’t know when things will go back to “normal”. All of these unknown factors weigh on our minds. Usually, I’m freaking out about my future during normal times but now I feel additional uncertainty and it makes it difficult for me to feel like I can get anything productive done.

When there are events or things that are important and have the potential to affect my life, I want to know the outcome right away. I feel tired and anxious whenever I’m stuck in a limbo of not knowing. But then, I wonder if knowing the results would make me feel any better. Would it be the answer I want or not? Honestly, it seems that regardless of the outcome, the worry and wait for the result seems worse.

With these unprecedented times we are faced with, how do we deal planning for a future we are so uncertain of?

Why is uncertainty stressful in the first place?

Why is it stressful not to know? Shouldn’t we know there is more we don’t know than we know and just accept that? Isn’t it boring to know everything and what will happen?

Well, according to research, people typically find uncertainty aversive (Anderson) and not exciting nor fun. This is because until you have the outcome, you don’t know what you will be dealing with. Since you don’t know what it is, you won’t know how to best deal with it.

What’s more is that, like with this pandemic, it’s stressful in itself to not know how long you will have to wait to until it’s over. When can you plan your vacation? In three months? In six months? How long will you have to wait until you have an answer?

Once you have the result, you are faced with a situation you can then possibly take action on. But until you know, it feels like there is nothing you can do and you feel helpless. Your life seems to be on hold until you can know a little bit more of what your future will look like.

Therefore, plans are out of the question. This is a big reason why uncertainty is stressful. Unless you like to plan like a chess grandmaster, taking time to come up with multiple plans to address the uncertainty that comes from your opponent’s moves, planning for an uncertain future is very frustrating and tiring.

Ways to deal with uncertainty

First, it’s important to recognize that uncertainty is natural to feel at times. I mean, face it, everything is uncertain. You don’t know if today will be your last day. You don’t know if a drunk driver will crash into your bedroom while you’re sleeping and that will be the end of you. You have no control over a lot of things in life and yet you still live in a way where you plan for the long term.

Feeling uncertain or having a period of uncertainty naturally happens to everyone, but allowing uncertainty to paralyze you is when it becomes concerning. At the heart of almost everything we do is a risk. The amount of risk correlates with the amount of uncertainty we feel. Not only do we feel uncertain about things we can’t control but also about things we plan to do.

Therefore, it’s important to maintain hope for yourself and the future. The silver lining to uncertainty is that uncertainty is like a storm and all storms pass eventually. You may be the type to prepare for the worst, but you also have to believe in yourself and trust that you can successfully handle the unknown.

Something healthy I like to do during stressful, unpredictable times is to distract myself with self-care and bite-sized goals. Start a plan to get in shape, work on or start a hobby that brings you peace of mind, do something fun with friends and family, play with your pet, read a book you’ve been meaning to get to, or, if you have the self-discipline, meditate.

Take a break from social media and/or news (especially national or global news) unless they don’t bring you anxiety. Set goals for yourself that are apart from this uncertainty and don’t allow your life to come to a complete halt because you are unsure of where you’re heading.

Sometimes, it can take months, if not years, to know the outcome of something that affects your life so acceptance, hope, and doing positive things like taking care of your physical and mental well-being in the meantime are crucial to riding out any uncertain period.

It’s certain there will be uncertainty

“Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing’.”

Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves

Before I would go to a social event, I used to imagine what would happen. I would rehearse my responses to different pretend scenarios with certain people I knew would be there. I would think, naively, that I had covered every potential way these interactions could go and I would be the better for it. And what would happen? It would never go any of the ways I had imagined!

The best we can do with predicting future events is just that, predict, and assign a probability to it. We can hope, dread, and predict certain outcomes but we cannot know for sure nor can we have all the answers. It’s hard, but important, to appreciate that we just don’t know and not feel overwhelmed and crushed by that idea. There is no need to feel insignificant or out of control because of certain uncertainty. Breathe and let go of the idea that you can force an outcome to go the way you planned or want it to.

Don’t dwell on what’s uncertain. Instead, acknowledge it, and focus on what you do know and what you can do presently or in the near future. The best way is to move forward. We’ll never have all the answers – even new discoveries in science often lead to more questions than answers. But having the answers, knowing the outcomes beforehand is not the point in life. It’s about you navigating in the best way you can. This will require you to adapt and be flexible to deal with whatever comes your way. Enjoy the journey.

One night, I was at a housewarming party talking to a woman I’d just met. She asked me what I did for a living and spilling out came my story around the uncertainty of my life. I had my college degree and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do for a living. What she said to me in response was just the change of perspective that I needed. She told me there are so many things in our future we don’t know and instead of looking at the future with fear and doubt, it’s exciting to think about all the different ways they could turn out. Until the moment that the outcome is set, until we know what the result is, it could be anything and the possibilities are something to be excited about.

Instead of reacting to uncertainty with apprehension, try anticipation. The same way a kid would react before Christmas. Uncertainty is the spice of life that, without it, would make life boring and predictable. Some uncertainty can be seen as fun and even sought out as when people seek out mystery novels or shows (Zillmann). Uncertainty is like the drama you stream or the novel you read, never sure which way the story might unfold. And although it seems nice to leave the drama on the screen, when it’s in your life, look at it as being in the thick of excitement instead.

If you can do these things in the face of uncertainty, you’ll be stronger for it. You will be able to live a fuller life because you won’t let uncertainty hang over your head clouding your thoughts and obscuring your ability to do what you are still able to do. So, get started and go live your life embracing that there will always be uncertainty but it doesn’t have to stop you from being happy.

Let me know what you think by leaving a comment below! Have more general questions, comments, or suggestions? Head over to our contact page and fill out our form there!

Stay up-to-date and don’t miss a new post by signing up for our weekly newsletter below! Want more material and updates? Follow us on social media @happiermindset on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook.

Stay healthy, stay happy,

Nicole

References:

Anderson EC, Carleton RN, Diefenbach M and Han PKJ (2019) The Relationship Between Uncertainty and Affect. Front. Psychol. 10:2504. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02504

Zillmann, D. (1996) in LEA’s communication series. Suspense: Conceptualizations, theoretical analyses, and empirical explorations. eds. Vorderer, P., Wulff, H. J., and Friedrichsen, M. (Hillsdale, NJ, US: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.).